Why Do I Push Myself?

I had a wonderful visit with a good friend. At the end of our time together, she asked me, “Why do you push yourself so hard?” I keep thinking about this question. First off, I was surprised to have her ask me this. Previously in the conversation, I was honestly thinking the same thing about her. Why was she juggling so many different things? I understand a little, yet I also thought that if she believed that there was a better way than juggling several jobs and asked more clearly and confidently for what she wanted, that she could have it.

HA! Then when she asked me her question, I felt touché. I could think that and feel that for her, yet I did not really think that for myself. Talk about personal blind spots…

I was talking to my husband about her question, and he asked, “What did she even mean by that?” I wish I had asked her, and I will, but I don’t have her answer yet. I assumed that my friend was asking why I try to fit so much into each day and push myself to do so much – take care of my family, work, classes, workout, social fitness and all my various goals. Why don’t I just relax and enjoy myself more? Why do I continue to take on more?

This reminds me of a question my son asked me years ago and is very much related – Why is everyone always in so much of a rush? (So many of my articles repeat similar themes. You can tell what I struggle with. 😊) Many of the questions that I ask in this post from four years ago still apply YET I feel like I have made some good progress. I only schedule work and work meetings (or try to anyways) from 10-3 Tuesday – Thursdays. I try to keep Monday and Fridays open for me and for fun – hanging out with friends or family and doing personal to dos yet I still feel like I am doing more than I would like. If I am honest, I am not as open and relaxed and doing the things that I really want to do as I would like. I feel like I have so many more books I want to read. I have so many things I want to do yet I never seem to get to them.

I push myself with goals and things I WANT to do. I want to meet with friends. I want to go for walks. I want to take classes and learn new things but then I am once again trying to fit too much into each day.

I know I want a simpler life. I want to do less yet my default, my habits and my desire to have fun and do good and take care of others and myself means I push myself. I push myself partly because I have so much I want to do and so much seems possible. I think I need to imagine and try a slower life. The hard part is that my family likes to do so many things. I am one of the people in my household who likes to do the least. I like to read, rest and sit still the most. They want to go, go, go. How do I say no? How do we / I stop the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)? Maybe it isn’t FOMO, it is a desire to do things they like. (Blaming my family is a lame excuse that won’t hold up if I really look at it.)

There were many aspects of the pandemic that I hated, yet the wide open schedule with no commitments and limited options of things to do is something I now crave. I need to create that for myself. I have control and agency over myself and my time. A common theme here on my blog is – Less is More. How do I successfully choose less? It is challenging because we know about and have the options for so much and those things do sound fun and worthwhile.

What comes to mind is someone who spends more than they should. They often have a reason, a justification, for why they NEED to buy something. Others who do not overspend would not see the “need” in the same way. My mindset and default is to take on and try to do more than I need or should. I justify taking on more. 

Why do I push myself?

I want to keep growing and getting better. I want to have fun. I don’t want to miss out. I feel a responsibility to do more. I was given so much. Am I trying to prove anything to anyone? I don’t think so. Maybe in my younger days I was but I don’t think that is true anymore. I am coming from a good place with good intentions in pushing myself. YET I keep coming back to wanting a slower, simpler life.

I have made progress, great progress at stepping out of overwhelm and setting boundaries and trying to set things up the way I want. As this meaningful question from my friend points out, I still have a ways to go and having someone else reflect that back to me is powerful.

I am going to try to take some of my own advice from my previous post and try to say “no” to more. I am going to do less and be more intentional with NOT pushing myself and filling every minute of each day / week.

Do you push yourself? In what ways do you push yourself? Do you push yourself in a positive and healthy way or not? Do you have any advice for me?