I did not think you were going to be hearing from me today (too busy enjoying my vacation and then playing catch up) but I was given an unexpected hour to myself so I decided to try and get something out quickly. I knew I wanted to send something because of the question I sent out last week and that I have been pondering myself,
“What do I want to change or try or do differently this school year?”
I have so many ideas. Too many ideas, but I thought I would share some of them today. The funny thing is, as a coach and also knowing myself, I know that I/we should focus on one thing at a time (or maybe more realistically focus on fewer things) and do that well. Life is not a race. There is no rush or contest to achieve something quicker (yet our society always wants everything faster, bigger, and better NOW).
Take a deep breath and think about what you have learned these past 6 months.
- What have you liked?
- What have you hated?
- What do you want to keep?
- What do you want to change?
I fully admit, I am scared and dreading the thought of a remote only school year. I know many have it immeasurable worse than me, but I am still filled with dread. I am trying to be hopeful but if I am honest with how I am feeling it is NOT positive. It reminds me of when I was a swimmer and I did not think I could go any further. I would then play mental games with myself and convince myself I had to do just do one more lap or set and then I would allow myself to stop if I needed to. And then I would just keep doing that. Only look at the very next step.
For me, that means getting through this next week, our first week of school remotely. For us to learn about our new schedule and how we are going to do things and then we can adjust. If nothing else, this pandemic is teaching me / us to get more comfortable with uncertainty. I fully expect things to change multiple times this school year so I can’t plan too far ahead.
I know that one of my many issues or things I need to work on is wanting to be in control and often over-controlling situations and struggling when things don’t go as planned or expected. This pandemic is helping me to face this issue and get better with that. This pandemic is teaching me to pray more and listen more, to slow down and re-prioritize.
I had a meeting with my coach and told her I was feeling like this is “the first day of the rest of my life.” (which made both of us laugh.) I want to make some changes and I want to get them right. I love new beginnings and having a clean slate to start fresh and new. (Why do I put so much pressure on myself?)
My whole life every single school year there was a feeling of “OMG, I am NOT going to be able to do this.” I truly felt that way. I am not sure where it comes from but the feeling and the fear was real. I always did fine, better than fine but the feeling of impending doom and disaster was always there. I never stopped having that feeling, I have just got better with working through it.
My older and wiser self is trying to calm down and view it differently (which is much easier to do when you are not getting a “grade” for your performance).
What am I here for? What do I really want?
I KNOW:
- I want to continue learning and growing,
- I want to have fun with my family and friends,
- I want to connect and help others,
- I want to enjoy my life (and NOT feel stressed or overwhelmed).
- I want to be healthy – mentally, physically, and emotionally which means doing self-care and taking time for myself.
The devil is in the details. How do I do these things?
What do you KNOW about what you want? Write it down.
My latest perspective is to play and experiment more. Try some different things and keep what I like and get rid of what I don’t. I know I need to pace myself and say no to things that are not a “HELL YES” and only obligations or “shoulds”.
How can I do less of what I don’t like and do more of what I do like? In all areas of my life. I want to be creative and take more risks. I want to take some different classes (a writing course, a photography class, finish Brene Brown’s parenting and art course). I want to work on improving my posture. Obviously, my list is long and in this moment feels like too much and then I tell myself, “one step at a time. This isn’t a race.” I am going to try to choose what feels or sounds like it will be the most impactful and beneficial or fun for me now and then go from there. I can change my mind. (Yes, I realize this is much harder to do if you are in school or have very small children.)
Today I wanted to quickly share where I am in deciding what I want to change this new school year. I have my brainstorming list and will prioritize but I am trying to go with the flow more (because I have to) and see how it goes. I hope to keep the things I KNOW front and center and prioritized and experiment with the implementation one step at a time.
I realize most of the country has already gone back to school. The funny things is, a clean slate is all whenever you decide it to be. Maybe use this time to start brainstorming for January 1st or think of the changes you want to start making for the last quarter of the year or on your birthday. YOU get to choose whenever you want to make a change.
My boys start school tomorrow and I am still not sure what it is going to look like or feel like. I don’t know what our schedule will be. One step at a time. Sigh. Breathe. I / We will figure it out, especially if we don’t give up. We can rest if we need to, but we will keep at it.
And remember there is no failing, only learning and lessons on maybe what doesn’t work and that is progress too. 🙂
Be kind and compassionate to yourself and others during this challenging and unusual time.
We all are doing the best that we can. We all are struggling.
Wishing you love and light and patience this next week.
Tara
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