I was recently journaling and thinking about change. Fall is a great time for noticing changes…
Change is constant and unavoidable. It is a fact of life and also a fact of death. Even in death, the body decomposes and changes. There are so many variables and aspects of change – in ourselves, in our environments, how we feel, what we think, what is possible. Nothing is ever exactly the same.
This can make me sad yet there is also a positive side to change too. No matter how bad things are they are not permanent. Hopefully with time the pain or grief or whatever will shift. It may not go away but it will change.
Why am I bringing this up today? (It is funny because after journaling about change I listened to Brene Brown’s podcast with Dr. Maya Shankur on “Courage in the Midst of Change.” The podcast discusses this concept in more depth and is worth a listen.
A big part of my job, and of our lives is planning and making plans. The past few years I have realized that planning too far ahead is not a good thing. This was presented and reinforced in The Psychology of Money book by Morgan Housel. In the book Housel talked about how little boys are often fascinated and want to drive a truck or tractor when they grow up. Driving a tractor is what is what they desire at that time in their life. It is normal to have our dreams and goals change with new learnings and new information.
Adam Grant ends his book Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know talking about a cousin or friend who always wanted to be a doctor from a very young age. This friend worked incredibly hard and stuck to this goal through many obstacles and yet when he was finally a doctor, he did not like it. He had attached himself to a goal and never re-evaluated, never re-thought, what he wanted or what was best for him and his talents and interests. He blindly stayed true to his mission of becoming a doctor. He accomplished his goal but was very unhappy.
I am not encouraging anyone to give up on a dream. What I am encouraging is to give ourselves the freedom to change our mind and use the new information or the new situation to our own benefit and follow what is right for ourselves at that moment.
How do we know when to give up or shift course?
Sometimes we need to give things more time. And sometimes we need to struggle through when it is not easy. (Sometimes we don’t have a choice.) The struggle teaches us things and with time things will get better. There is the push/pull of being patient and giving it time and also of pushing too long and hard, past when you should, and torturing yourself.
My advice is to listen to yourself. If in doubt, give it some time and see if the situation gets better and / or set a deadline for how long you will give the situation. If you are not sure, think about what you can do to make it better yet also give yourself the grace and compassion to make changes. At some point the answer should become obvious or the situation will change.
Things are ALWAYS changing. Some of these changes we can predict and others we cannot. This comes into play as a financial planner. I have seen people who plan far ahead, either buying a plot of land or building a house in a certain location for the future or when they retire but then things have changed by the time retirement comes. For example, they want to be near their children / grandchildren or they now have health issues or a myriad of other different factors they could not have predicted years before.
The longer I have been a financial planner, the more I think it is better to not plan too far out into the future because we don’t know what will change. We want to be able to do what we want at that specific time. It is hard to predict the future and what you will want in the future (like the little boy who knows all he wants to do is drive a truck). We want to avoid having too many sunk costs, and real or imagined commitments to ourselves or others because we cannot predict the future.
Yes, it is a balancing act. We need to plan but focus more on where you are now and where you generally want to go. Enjoy the present and create options or freedom for the future. Make sure you are heading in the right direction and allow yourself to make or handle changes. Take your thought process up to a higher level. WHY do you want something? Your reasons and its priority in your life may change. It is best if your plan has “cushion” or space for unexpected changes in yourself, your family, your environment and your situation. I like thinking in 5 or 10 year time frames depending on where you are in your life.
If you know what your values are, they can help guide you in your decisions so it is not about the details and “stuff” but the more important people, feelings, and learnings. The deeper meaning beyond the “stuff”.
Some changes we choose and some are forced on us. Either way, focus on the positive. Be patient. Have hope and know things will ALWAYS change.
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