Photo by Mary Carolyn Conti
I wrote this piece and then chickened out on sending it last Sunday. It feels a little scary to me because I am sharing my thoughts on a sensitive topic, religion. It feels messier than I would like it to be but after discussing this topic with my coach and feeling like one of my themes for the coming year is to “embrace the messiness” (more on my theme will be coming soon), I decided to send it out.
My religion is a subject that has come up for me lately. This is a delicate topic for me and many others so it feels a little (or a lot) vulnerable to talk about. I am Catholic. I was raised Catholic and am raising my children Catholic. I have generally thought of religion as a private thing. I am not sure where this comes from since many religions want you to share your beliefs and the “good news” with others.
Part of this privacy is that I want everyone to have, and feel the freedom to believe in, whatever is best for themselves. I believe it is not my place to preach or put my beliefs on anyone else, especially something as big and important as religion. I don’t believe one religion is “better” than another. It is not a competition. I want all of us to find something that works for us individually and go with it.
The reason I am pondering my religion is because I have recently talked to and listened to several people that I greatly respect and admire. They all are proudly Catholic and it got me thinking. I wish I could be more like them and wondered how my religion could help me with being a better person.
To be honest, I do not “broadcast” my Catholicism. There are things in the Catholic Church that I do not agree with or like. Yet I do think it is important and beneficial to expose and teach our children and others about faith and I have a strong belief in God, something bigger than ourselves. I believe there is a God, a divine being that is pure love.
One of the things I like about my religion, and is similar to Judaism, is that it is cultural. Catholicism is a big part of my family traditions, rituals, beliefs and values. Do I agree with all of the Catholic rules? No. But listening to these Catholic people I admire has reminded me of the good parts of this religion. Catholicism (most religions?) is primarily about being and becoming a better more loving person. It is about helping each other. For me, that is the most important thing – to be kind and help each of us to learn and grow in love.
What I don’t like about my religion is that there is so often guilt and judgement associated with it. Guilt does not feel good to me, but maybe I am mixing it up with shame. (There is a difference between guilt and shame.) Guilt is helpful if it motivates us to contemplate how we could learn from something and do better next time. We need to then let go of our mistakes and move on. Continuing to beat ourselves up for our mistakes is not helpful and I think blocks us from the love and forgiveness and renewal that I believe God wants and has for us.
The tricky part is in the giving yourself grace for your mistakes and yet to still keep trying and not let yourself off too easily – i.e. do something you know you shouldn’t and just plan on the forgiveness and fresh start in the future. Does anyone else struggle with this concept, or is it just me?
Today’s personal reflection may appear a bit off my usual articles but I hope you will get some value and things to think about from it. Here are the key takeaways for me:
I want my religion to create consistent ways that will help me learn and live more fully into my values and what is important. For me that is love and integrity. How can I live these two values better every day? How can my religion help me with these goals? I believe my faith and church community can help me with this.
The rules and rituals of most religions can feel and be viewed in a negative light, but they have a positive intention, to help us do more of the right things – more consistently. They are there to help us, not hold us back or feel bad about ourselves.
Nothing is perfect. It is not all good or all bad. I need to stop thinking in extremes, and accept the imperfections and focus on the good in my religion – and also with myself and other people.
I believe we all are called upon to be kind and loving. This is what I love about my religion and is at its core. Religion is a vehicle to help us better ourselves. I want to help others without judgement or ego.
Think about your religion, church or spiritual practice and what is most important to you.
- Can your religious practice help you be happier and more fulfilled?
- What role do you want it to play in your life?
- How can your religion, church community or faith help you and help make the world a better place?
- What do you like about your religion and / or your church?
- What do you dislike about your religion? Can you change these things? If not, are you ok with that?
Each of us have different answers for these questions but I think they are worth asking.
Look for habits, traditions, and possibly a religious practice or church community that helps you grow and be who you aspire and want to be –
AND remember that you are truly already enough and dearly loved as you already are.
The big lesson for me around my religion is to
“Take what I like and leave the rest.”
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