(Photo by Alessio Lin on Unsplash)
This is the third article in a series on Habits. I truly believe habits are one of the secrets to success for a happier and more satisfying life. There are many kinds of habits – good and bad. A habit is something that you do frequently and you usually don’t even consciously decide to do it.
The study of habits is relatively recent. It amazes me that scientists and marketers have only been studying how habits work and how to change them for the past 25 years. I can’t wait to see how much more we will learn in the next few decades.
Today’s article is going to highlight what I think are some of the most important factors to successfully create a new habit. (In last week’s article I discussed how to change an existing habit which is a different process.)
To begin, you want your new habit to be Easy. So easy that you may think it is ridiculous. You want a definite winner. You want it to be small and doable. Hopefully it is something that you want to do often – daily or at least weekly.
You want to define the new habit super specifically. You don’t want there to be any ambiguity or wiggle room. That is where we all get into trouble. Remember we all have a limited amount of will power and number of decisions we can handle each day. Any change is hard. The bigger the change the more resistance you will encounter. You do not want to be wasting energy and brainpower debating with yourself on when or how or if you are going to do something new. The more debate or vague something is, the less likely it is that it will happen.
To create a new habit, clearly define:
- What do you want to do?
- When are you going to do it?
- What is the cue for the desired action?
- What is the reward? What does success look like?
- Why do you want to do this? What will you get out of it? What is your WHY? Get very clear on that.
You have to know that making this change is possible and doable.
You want to track and achieve success as much as possible.
If you can come up with a saying or motto to help remind you of your why you want to do this or address a common difficulty that is often helpful. When you are creating a new habit, you will come up against obstacles. Notice them. Notice how you react to them. Notice your self-talk and the rationalization or negotiation with yourself. You must first become mindful of making a change before you can achieve the desired autopilot of a positive habit.
You often hear that it takes 21 days or 30 days to create a habit. That is not necessarily true in my experience. A habit is not established until it consistently happens without thought or negotiation.
Here is an example from my own life.
I have been trying for years to put moisturizer on my face every morning. It sounds easy enough yet I have struggled to do it. My first obstacle was that moisturizer felt horrible on my face. It felt sticky and made me feel like I could not breathe normally. I had to search and keep trying different moisturizers until I found one that did not bother me. I finally found one.
Then I had to make it part of my routine. I am not sure why I have struggled with this so much, but I have. I have chosen a cue – when I first get out of the shower to put it on. Often it is helpful to link a new habit to an existing one such as brushing your teeth or in my case my daily shower. I even have a double check for myself. If I am putting on my deodorant and haven’t put the moisturizer on yet then I have to do it then. I tell myself that I want to protect my face when I am putting it on.
I have been working on this for WAY more than 30 or 90 days. I would say I’ve been working on this consistently for 9 months, yet it is still NOT a habit. It does not happen automatically. I still sometimes negotiate with myself – is cloudy today or I won’t be going outside so I don’t need to do it? How ridiculous is that? I know that this is a small thing yet I still have not fully established the habit. I am still working on it.
Change is hard. Keep trying and be kind to yourself. If your habit is not easy, then change it. Make it easier. Make it more specific or narrowly defined. Scaling back is better than quitting. The key is going until you achieve success. Even a small change can have a big impact in various and often unforeseen ways in your life.
I strongly recommend that you only try to establish one habit at a time. Remember you want to achieve permanent change. You want this habit to be something that stays with you forever. You can build on it but you want it to be something you keep for the long term. It is not a short term action like a diet that you will do until you achieve a certain weight or goal. That is why diets don’t work. Most of them are not a lifestyle change.
Keep working on your habit until it is established. The first four to six weeks will feel awkward and a bit of a struggle. It requires extra effort, energy and brain power to create a change. Keep with it. Try to prepare yourself for obstacles or what you will do when you fail. Think about these and decide how you will handle them ahead of time.
If it is a daily habit, it will become established more quickly than a weekly habit. Hopefully a daily habit will start to feel more natural after 6-8 weeks. (So why is it taking me so much longer than that with my moisturizer?!?)
Choose something small that will have an immediate impact. Only you know what is a good action to take and establish for you. Think about it. Go to bed by 10:00? Walk for 20 minutes every day? Hang up your coat? Close cabinet doors and drawers? Pay bills weekly? No phone or screens after 9 p.m.?
There are many good books written on this topic. I know this is just a short introduction but I hope it is enough to peak your interest and get you motivated to create a new positive habit in your life.
What is important is to take a tiny action and keep at it until your new desired habit consistently occurs without much thought or energy. There is no failure until you stop trying.
I would love to hear what you decide to work on and how it is going. Please post in the comments to share.
Recent Comments