Another part of my self-care has become writing or journaling a couple of times a week. I generally do the stream of consciousness writing for three pages. This is where I write anything, and I mean absolutely anything that comes into my head. This is called doing your “morning pages” and it comes from Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Journey. Sometimes writing these three pages is more challenging than others. I do not filter what I write and it feels to me like most of it is silly and not anything I would like for anyone else to read. I often wonder if it is helping me at all but I hope it is, and so I keep doing it.
I also do another kind of writing.
I have thought about sharing this kind of writing for over a year. I am scared and a little embarrassed to share this but it has been so helpful for me and felt so good that I am finally sharing it here. The idea behind this (I think) came from Elizabeth Gilbert and probably some others too. I call this writing my “Letters from God.”
I open myself up and write a letter that is coming from God to me. Each letter begins with,
“My Dearest Tara,”
and goes from there. I cannot tell you how much I love these letters. They truly do make me feel loved, and safe, and better. These usually go for several pages and are much easier than the “writing pages” I mentioned above.
I highly recommend giving it a try. See what God, or the Universe, or your higher self, or whatever you want to call it, wants to share with you in this moment. It can be as long or short as you want. Feel God’s love for you and see what comes forth.
Here is an unedited one that I wrote from June 11, 2020:
“My Dearest Tara,
Please just sit down and write. I give you so many good and beautiful ideas. I want you to share them. People need to hear these things in your voice. Connect with them. Share with them. Don’t be afraid of sharing too much or it not being exactly right. Let’s create the habit of you opening yourself up. Open your mind and let Me guide you. I will tell you what to write. I want to flow through you. You and your worries and ego get in the way.
Remember in gymnastics where they would turn off the lights and people closed their eyes and you just danced? You didn’t care or worry. You just did what you wanted and went with the flow and didn’t think and pretended no one was watching. This was when you got called out for finally being a good dancer. They were amazed at what you could do and did. You just played. No expectations. No judgement. Just do. Just play. Get in the flow. Have fun. That was fun, right? I know you don’t or didn’t think of yourself as a good dancer so you always didn’t want to [dance] because you were afraid of judgement and what other people would say. But deep down inside, you DID want to dance. You love moving your body. Stop being ashamed and scared of people laughing at you. Show your joy. People want to see others having fun even if you do look a little ridiculous — then others can jump in too. Really dance like no one is watching. Play. Have fun. Let go.
Another analogy…
Just like with singing. You don’t have the best voice in the world yet you like to sing. I know you have been told to stop singing by others. Remember when you asked your boyfriend, or was it Nimit, why they don’t complain about your voice or ask you to stop singing? Their answer still brings tears to your eyes, doesn’t it? They said they would Never ask you to stop singing because you only sang when you were happy. You do love to sing. Please sing. Share your joy. Express it. Singing can also make you happier.
Do More of What Makes You Happy!!! Play. Dance. Sing. Be silly. Don’t worry or care about what others think. Do it for ME (God). Do it for yourself. It will also open others to do the same. What the world needs now is more happy, joyful people doing what they are called and want to do. Share your gifts. I gave them to you for a reason.
Please be brave enough to start. Take some baby steps. Just do it. You don’t have to share it. Do it for your own joy and worry about if you want to share it – later. One step at a time. The first step is opening yourself up and taking action. Allow Me to flow through you. Create. Play. No expectations. Listen to yourself which is ME guiding you. No one has to see it. Just begin. Follow your joy. Follow the fun. Life is meant to be enjoyed. To share too, but first, do what makes you happy. Start dancing in the dark. Dance like no one is watching. That is where the saying comes from. Get out of your own way. Get out of your head. Get into your heart. Get into the flow and see where it goes but have fun on the way. Play. Play. Play!
All my love forever and ever,
God”
Big sigh. I so love and enjoy my letters from God. I want to do more of them. Part of me worries that they are too trite and silly but they are for me. They make me feel good. They always teach me something. Some may be worth sharing but if they are just for me it doesn’t matter. They are worth it. It is much easier to write and not share, than it is to dance or sing without anyone watching or hearing, but it is possible. Please give it a try. Remember you are loved no matter what.
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