Erin Flood is a teacher at heart. She also loves being a caretaker.
I got to know of Erin through my sister-in-law and Facebook. I know that often we are attracted to people similar to ourselves. I feel a strong affinity for Erin and what she talks about on her podcast and her blog. She shares great wisdom to mothers who are struggling with “doing it all.”
I have listened to many of Erin’s podcasts and love her posts on Facebook. I often felt like she was speaking directly to me and talking about many of the same things that I struggle with. She is open about her values and her legacy so I asked her if I could interview her for my “Legacy Book.”
Erin got clear about her legacy by almost dying – twice! I have heard that this often happens. People become clearer and have a wakeup call once they are forced to face death or a serious illness. Part of my motivation for the Legacy book is to help people get the clarity and motivation to take action NOW without going through a health scare.
Some of the big themes that I related to and wanted to highlight from our discussion are:
- What is enough?
- Perfectionism and not asking for help or inconveniencing others
- Our worthiness and the effort we make to prove our worthiness
- Losing ourselves while trying to please others.
- How to prioritize taking care of myself when I want to take care of others
- Accepting the seasons of life and that things will keep changing. Children grow up fast!
- The power of one degree turns, small changes and shifts in a culture where we all want to achieve exactly what we want in 30 days or less.
- The importance of asking good questions because our brain answers the questions that we ask.
- That both can be true – not everything depends on us yet we are important and worthy no matter what. We do not have to be superheroes to be worthy. The dichotomy of: Can I really make a difference as only one person? Versus, wanting to be superheroes and recognized for how special we are and how much we do.
Man, do I relate to these topics. Each of them could have their own discussion to dig in deeper, and maybe someday I will (and Erin does often)…
TWO near death experiences…
Erin tells the story well but in summary, she went in for a scheduled (major) surgery. She bled out and could have died. Miraculously, she did not. She was in the hospital for 4 days. She views that as her first wakeup call but she did not fully get the message. Then about 6 months later she wasn’t feeling well on spring break in Florida. She thought it was food poisoning. She was in excruciating pain but she tried to hold on. Her appendix burst. She was in the hospital for 30 days with multiple surgeries and serious infections all because she would not ask for help. She did not want to inconvenience anyone. It was while she was lying in the hospital watching her life go on without her that she thought about, if she survived, what did she want to do? She had A LOT of time in the hospital to think about this and get clear on what she cared about and wanted.
Erin is most intentional about her legacy with her parenting. She thinks about what kind of adults she wants her children to grow up to be. She wants them to find joy and contribute. (She wants that for herself too.) She wants them to know that they do not have to be perfect. That they are worthy no matter what.
She is a teacher at heart. She loves supporting people and helping them grow. She wants people to believe in themselves so that they will invest in themselves, love themselves and know that they are worthy of everything that they dream of – if they are willing to do the work. And she knows from personal experience the work can be uncomfortable, especially when you start. This is where her podcast and blog came from.
Before her near death experiences, Erin felt lost and disconnected from herself. She was trying to be perfect and meet everyone else’s expectations. (Sound familiar?) She was taking on too much. She and her husband were both working crazy hours and living parallel lives. In the hospital, she got clear on wanting to feel like her days counted.
SHE WANTS THE PEOPLE SHE LOVES TO KNOW HOW DEEPLY SHE LOVES THEM!
The benefit of knowing your legacy is that it creates a filter to help with making better decisions. She said she is “most proud of her capacity to love other people and maybe, now too, myself.” Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. I love that so much. How would you feel if your legacy was your capacity to love others and yourself? What an example for the world and our children.
After the hospital stay, Erin asked herself the same question every day for a year. That powerful question was, “What am I carrying that I am ready to put down?” She knew she needed to change and that she was carrying too much. With this question her brain kept filtering and looking for things that she could say no to. It was bigger than just saying no to things and activities. It was also saying no to limiting beliefs, bad assumptions, unrealistic expectations, and so much more that could be “put down.”
Another question that she uses to help with creating her legacy is:
“Will this help me feel connected, grounded, and provide a sense of purpose to help others and server my family?”
Goodness, I love that.
When I asked her for advice on how others can get clarity without going through a health scare, she said that in hindsight, she knew what she wanted. It was always there inside of her. She was afraid to trust it. She just needed to listen and pay attention to it. We all need to listen to ourselves more and notice where and when we feel most alive and connected to the world and ourselves. We often ignore or negate the quiet whispers from our souls because we are too influenced by all the loud voices and expectations and “shoulds” from the outside world. We lose ourselves trying to find worthiness and approval from others. Erin admits that she looked for outward approval to validate herself but she only really needed the recognition from her inner self.
Erin questions, “Why is it so hard to take care of others AND take care of myself?” We must take care of ourselves to help take care of others. We all hear this, yet why is it so difficult to do? Erin learned that lesson the hard way. Taking care of yourself is not selfish! She wants her children to see and know that.
Erin has gotten clear on what her non-negotiables are. She knows she is better able to take care of others if she takes care of herself first. She is more patient and a better person if she exercises every day. She has learned that she has to take care of herself to create the legacy she wants.
Erin has learned and accepted that there are different stages of parenting and life. Everything keeps changing. More opportunities will come. She asks, “What do I want and need right now?” The answer to this question may change in the future but we need to focus on the present and what we hear at this moment in time. Erin is trusting the cues she gets from herself and not trying to force things so much. She is no longer afraid to do what she loves and being courageous and vocal about it.
She has questioned “Is it enough to have a podcast for a small but great community?” She decided if she can help even a few of people by sharing her story and bring others along a learning path and “Finishing the job of raising ourselves” that it is worth it. She is doing the work. She knows that life is meaningful. She wants her days to count.
We all need to invest in ourselves and our 1 degree turns every day. We need to be patient because it will not happen overnight. Erin is sharing her wisdom, lessons, and struggles while raising a family. She is prioritizing herself and those that she loves so that they know how much she loves them. What a wonderful Legacy to have, and be creating now.
P.S. You can listen to my full conversations with Erin on these two episodes of her Love Raising Us Podcast:
Living your Legacy Part 1 with Erin Flood
Living your Legacy Part 2 with Erin Flood
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