I know I am seeing and feeling more stress in myself and those around me. We all are going through and handling a lot these days – the pandemic, the election, racial injustice, working and schooling remotely, constant uncertainty and changes to name a few.
I just read the book, Burnout: the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA. I read A LOT of self-help books. This is one I would recommend and believe most women can benefit from. It focuses specifically on women’s burnout. It has three parts, but I am only going to present information from the first part because I feel like this is what is most needed by all us right now.
The first part is focused on internal resources to help us better deal with our stress and handling our emotions immediately.
They start with differentiating stress and stressors. Stressors are things that activate a stress response in the body. There are internal (self-criticism, identity, memories) and external (work, money, deadlines) stressors. Stress is the body’s actual physical reaction to the stressor. It is important to deal with the stress, what they call “completing the stress cycle”.
Stress had an evolutionary reason, to help keep us alive. It was designed to occur for short and occasional bursts of energy to help provide the focus, energy and/or strength to survive a deadly threat. The stress that we all experience today is much more constant and takes a toll on our bodies. Our bodies were not meant to have the stress response in our bodies for long periods of time.
This book talks about the need to complete the stress cycle for our health and well-being. What does it mean to complete the stress cycle? They talk about getting through the tunnel of stress response, all the way through it. If you don’t complete the cycle your body stays in that stressed state. And the stresses keep building on each other.
There are many reasons why we don’t complete the stress cycle:
1. Chronic Stressor à Chronic Stress. You are stressed but the situation doesn’t change. Everyday at work is so stressful and you cannot keep up with the capacity to process the stress.
2. Social Appropriateness – Due to cultural norms or manners you cannot or do not do what your stressed body tells you to do. You hold yourself back from crying in a meeting or at the dinner table, you stop yourself from screaming in anger at someone you know you should not scream at.
3. It’s Safer – You don’t take action or do what your stress response wants you to do because it could put you in physical danger.
The MOST efficient way to complete the stress response cycle is ….
Exercise or physical activity. Do something that gets you breathing deeply or exhausts your muscles for between 20-60 minutes per day (depending on the amount of stress or emotions you need to process).
Other ways to complete the Stress Cycle:
Breathing – slow deep breaths. I learned it as “box” breathing, breathe in to a slow count of 4-5, hold the breath for a count of 4-5, breathe out to a count of 4-5, hold or pause before breathing in again for a count of 4-5. Doing this three times can make a difference in our bodies.
Positive Social Interaction – This can be more challenging when we are isolating more but even a pleasant interaction checking out of the food store can make a difference.
Laughter – Real laughter, not the fake or polite social laughter. Laughter is truly one of the best medicines out there. Watch a show or video or remember a story that will get you and those around you to truly laugh.
Affection – This can take many forms but two great examples are: the twenty second hug or the six second kiss. Both of these are deliberately longer than usual but it allows our bodies to feel and react and take in that we are safe and loved.
A Big Ol’ Cry – Allow yourself to cry it all out. This is a huge emotional release. Hopefully not at a business meeting but either by yourself or with someone you trust and feel comfortable with.
As with the laugher, it is ok to have a movie or book that you know will make you cry, helping you complete the emotional cycle.
Creative Expression – Many people have been doing this more during the pandemic but science has shown it is helpful. Create something, anything in whatever form you want. It allows you to express and process your emotions.
Completing the cycle is as important as eating and breathing. If you don’t, it will eventually affect you and your health in big ways. Your body may start shutting down or get seriously sick.
So, how do you know when you have completed “The Cycle”?
They say that some people know or recognize this more easily than others. It is like knowing when you have eaten enough or when you have to go to the bathroom. You learn what it feels like for your body. Some of us may have to “learn” to notice what it feels like. It could be a shift in mood or physical tension. What is more important than knowing if you have completed the stress response cycle (you may have years of built up and incomplete cycles to process) is to recognize when you feel even a little better. We want some change, some shift in the right direction. Focus on progress, not perfection.
This information may not be earth shattering news for you but I enjoyed learning the science behind it and having the motivating reminder of how important it is for us to work through our stress and emotions.
The key takeaway for me was that we NEED to DO something to help us process our stress. You can’t wish it away. It is not an intellectual thing. Your body needs you to DO something to help it handle the stress. Each of us is different, so find what works for you but please know that this is needed and necessary to help our own wellbeing.
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