I have always known I was a maximizer.
I would agonize over what to wear to school each day until it was time to walk out the door. It goes hand in hand with my over analyzing and over thinking most things, (maybe everything?). It is related to my indecisiveness and struggle to make decisions because I always try to make the best decision and maximize as many factors as possible.
Being a maximizer can be a strength, but like all strengths it is also a weakness in certain situations.
In the book, The Paradox of Choice, by Barry Schwartz two types of people are presented:
Maximizers – people who want the absolute best option
Satisficers – people who have a set of criteria and accept the first option that meets those criteria
I had never heard of the word “satisficer” (and spellcheck does not recognize it) but I definitely know people who are like this.
Schwartz’s research at the University of California, Berkeley found that people who are satisficers are generally happier than maximizers. This makes sense to me. They do no waste spend countless hours debating and re-evaluating various decisions and how to do things. I try to maximize use of every moment of my day so that I can be as efficient as possible and get the most done. I will even think about “if I had known” ______ was going to happen then I would have, should have done this differently. That is life, so why do I spend mental energy evaluating the past and things I would have done differently if I knew the future.
The amount of brainpower and thoughts evaluating countless choices is generally not a good thing, yet in general I would say I used to be proud of my efficiency and maximizing. I am not so proud of my infamous indecision and inflexibility which I think also comes from my commitment to making a decision that I planned and maximized so I struggle to shift and go with the flow of changes.
Wanting “the best” is a good thing right?
Part of me thinks yes, but then when I truly think about it, is there a “best”? The best is a close friend to perfectionism and is probably not worth the effort and is an unachievable standard or goal. In order to be or achieve “the best” there must be a comparison which is where things can get ugly. Comparison takes away from our happiness. There is always going to be someone or something that is better than you or what you have.
This relates to a common theme in my articles of “what is enough.” As I have gotten older I am much better about thinking about what is enough with big things and trying to become a satisficer. Part of this is knowing what situations are NOT worth trying to maximize. This can save a lot of time and mental energy. Lean on people or experts who already know the information you are looking for or who have made this decision already. For example, if traveling to a new city, ask someone who has lived there or a friend who has already gone there for recommendations.
Related to striving for “the best” is recognizing and being able to take the longer view and perspective. Instead of feeling like each decision has to be perfect (or permanent) I want to remember that most decisions are not set in stone. I want to accept that even imperfect decisions and taking risks are worth doing because I learn from them. I will still eventually get where I want to be.
The older I get the more I believe that there is not one perfect job, spouse, house, etc. We can be happy with many paths our life leads us to. It is being satisfied with these choices and making them work.
The maximizer / satisficer characteristic is on a continuum. All of us are satisficers at times. Think of situations where you are able to feel satisfied and try to apply that to more situations. Decide on what is important to you in the decision and look for a solution that meets or exceeds those criteria and then move on. The trick for many of us is to move on. To not regret and to know when to re-evaluate a decision that was made. For decisions that you wish had gone differently, think about what you can learn from it and then let it go.
One time, I switched jobs and after my first week there, I knew it was not the right place for me. I felt like I had done everything I could to evaluate and gather the information to make sure this was a good move for me. I was wrong, so it felt horrible. To this day, I cannot come up with anything I could have done differently except to not stay in the job so long and maybe trust my instinct more. My decision making process was good. (The lesson for me was how important the people and culture are and that these may not always be evident in interviews.)
Having a deadline can help with limiting our time and energy for trying to maximize a decision or a project. Use this strategy when needed. I use this strategy with these weekly articles. I know they could be better, yet the limited time forces me to send it out and to be ok with “good enough.”
Remember the part of letting go and not regretting and moving forward with whatever you decide. You went to a restaurant that you didn’t like, ok, remember you will go out to eat again. Try not to let that ruin some quality time with people you love.
I hope this concept got you thinking. That is what I hope my weekly articles do, give you something to think about and possibly use or add to improving your happiness.
Being a satisficer does not come naturally to me but it is something I have a new appreciation for and something I will continue to try and get better at.
I would love to hear how this concept has helped you and any recommendations on ways to become more of a “satisficer” in life.
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